To my Little brother.

I was reading a blog today about a little boy who's mother just found out that he has a sleight form of Autism.
this got me thinking about my own, grown up, little brother, who also has Autism.

Ryan, is 18 now, and its such a strange thought to me, because he has the mind of a 2 year old, and doesn't look a day past 14.

Ryan was such a detrimental part of my childhood and development as a human. I learned so much from him. he taught me patience, kindness, and an understanding that everyone is different. I never made fun of the different kids.

they already have enough on there plate.

I'm reminded of how difficult it is to grow up with a child that struggles from a handicap. its straining on the family, and especially the parents relationship.

the cases of people being diagnosed with autism is much higher today than ever before ( or that is how it seems) I wonder why .

when technology and medicine are so advanced these days, we still can't figure out what is causing the problems.

I'd like to blame the shots newborns get, because that would be an easy fix, but there is no proof, and you can't do testing. with out the testing being unethical at least.

Ryan is an important part of my life, He is so loved. but to say that having a sibling with autism was rough is an understatement.
I admire parents who have children with disability's, the challenges they face daily, are far greater than anyone will ever know, unless they themselves have experienced the same things.

I hope one day there is an answer for the cause of autism.

to my little Ryan. you will always be the little boy that played hide and seek with me , while i hid for hours :) it was still fun. I love you. even though you always tried to kill my fish... I know you were just feeding them :)

I love you little booooonananaaa! love me.

September 10th,2012. The Show down .

Fast forward a couple of months, to the the Utah county fair in Salt Lake city.

 

One of my best friends Mary had invited Mark and I , along with my sister and her boyfriend Brennan to go to the county fair, on monday September 10th. because that day was all you can eat Ice cream, for only 3 dollars ! who can beat that?

 

Plus I absolutely love looking at Animals, so I was So excited to go! Everyone got work off and we all dressed up country ( I love dressing up for things like that) ha

 

Anyway Jana and Brennan were running late, so we ate ice cream and then walked around to find "real food" which is difficult to do at the fair, everything was greasy, but so good!

 

when Jana and Brennan got there we decided to go walk around, and of course i wanted to look at the animals, so we headed to the barn. As we were walking there someone suggested that we go on some of the rides after, and of course I was down for that.

 

one of my bucket list things in life was to Kiss someone on the Ferris Wheel. silly I know, but after watching shows like the O.C. and the Movie the note book, it looked and sounded fun .. hehehe.

 

I told Mark all of this, of course.

 

We spent about an hour and a half looking at the animals, and then around 9, I think Mary suggested we go and ride some rides before the fair closed. So we got in line for the Ferris Wheel, and the tickets were expensive! 8 bucks for the both of us! I was like are you serious? that's so expensive! and Mark said "oh its fine."

 

When we got on the Ferris Wheel Mark was acting really Nervous, but I just thought he was acting that way because he is scarred of heights. ( also, we had talked about getting engaged in October, so I was completely clueless) .

 

I asked him if he was having fun, and he said he was having so much fun, and then he said this:

 

" You know you are my best friend right?, the best friend that I've ever had?"

me: "yeah, I know, you're mine too."

"and you know that I love you Rachelle?"

Me:"I know,I love you too."

( I was associating his sudden mushy,cuteness to his fear of heights and then having a good time at the fair, so i just thought he felt like he needed to tell me these things :) )

 

and then he started to get off the seat, while we are up in the air, and he was really nervous.

 

 he said, "you know i want you to be my Wife right?"

and as he was saying this he is getting down on his knees... and I was trying to figure out what was going on, because i still thought we were getting engaged in October hahaha.

 then he pulled out the ring, and said, " will you Mary me, Rachelle?"

 

I was hysterically happy, I couldn't stop laughing, and I kept saying  "oh my gosh are you serious?!!!"

after about a minute he was like "well?"

 

and then I said. "YEAH, Of COURSE!"

 

it was perfect, when we got off the Ferris wheel everyone was waiting for us, taking pictures, and it was so cool. everyone had known but me. I was completely oblivious!

 

I'm so happy that it was such a surprise. I'm so happy.

 

I'm getting married! woot, woot.

 

my fiance is seriously Amazing. I couldn't ask for anything better, and i am so, so, so, happy to be marrying him.

 

here are some pictures.

Jana, My sister was the one who suggested he propose at the fair, on the Ferris wheel. love her

Mark making me look like a midget.

getting off the Ferris wheel.

I was so happy, I told the Hispanic guy what just happened, he didn't know English i think.

we were so happy!

Calling our family's

The ring, you can't see it to well though. sorry.

My Happy Dance.

I love him so much! he's so handsome!

Well there you go, you guys got the run down now. I got lucky, Ice cream, animals, crossed of something from my bucket list, and hey I'm getting Married!

This is where it began, and where it begins. enjoy!

To those of you who don't know how Mark and I met, and then started dating I will give you the details.

 

 

This is where our story begins. April of last year, I met Mark for the first time.

I was having one of those nights that I often had  back then, I was depressed at home, wondering why my supposed to be boyfriend at the time, wasn't making time for me.

so Leah being the good friend she is, invited me to frozen yogurt with Ammon and her, Ammons cousin had Recently started to hang out with him again, and she told me that he would be joining us too.

 

Not knowing that it was kinda a con into getting me to go out on a date ( the situation with the current BF at the time was very confusing, and I was not with him, but still kinda with him, confused yet? yeah so was I, for like a freaking year! ah ha ha).

Anyways when they came into the kitchen, I had some sort of thought that i needed to be careful because this guy looked like trouble, which he would have been at the time. He was quiet and very nice, he payed for my yogurt, which was unexpected. ( he later told me he had just gotten better from being really sick with pneumonia ) so that's partly why he looked so rough around the edges too.

 

( side note, Anyone who has met Mark, would find it very hard to believe that he may have ever been trouble, but its true, he was.)

 

so i left it at that.

 

and as time passed, and things remained confusing for me, I would hang out with Mark on occasion. these occasions were kinda rare, but he ended up being at my place sometimes because Leah moved in with me, and he hung out with her and Ammon often.

 

We were friends and that was it. I was so wrapped up in my current life altering DRAMA that i didn't even entertain the thought, plus as i said I had heard Mark was a recovering trouble maker, and i had enough on my plate as it was, so I wasn't even going to entertain the thought of that.

 

( remember we become blinded by love sometimes. how silly, but thank goodness for me being silly because everything worked out how it was supposed to.)

 

well it was around October when I kinda took a break from my confusing mess, that I hung out with Mark, we went car shopping, which turned into a search for a Halloween costume, and then lunch. It was a fun time, I went home and told Leah that I couldn't believe how patient he had been with me. because anyone who knows me, knows i can be pretty indecisive sometimes.

 

but I left it at that, I was still holding onto my commitment to this EX. I still wanted it to work and wasn't ready to give up. one of my personality traits, is sometimes i don't know when to let go. at this point i should have walked away from the situation months earlier.

Sadly I Didn't.

 

 

In November I reconnected with this EX, and I was in a very bad spot in my life, I felt confused about alot of things and had kind of forgot everything that mattered to me. For some reason I felt that I needed to try with this terrible relationship until I knew for sure it wasn't going to work at all.

 

to be honest that week I was back with him, I acted in ways that I don't act, and did things that I don't do, or believe in even. It was as though i wasn't me.

 

if you've ever looked back on a situation and felt like the person you used to be is so foreign to you now , that's how it was. like seeing a ghost of me. and I was NOT HAPPY.

 

I went searching for comfort. I went to the friend who had been comforting me during my weird time in life, but I didn't think he would understand, and I didn't think that he and me would work together anyway.

 

so I went along.

 

and I still remember this moment in church, when I sat by Mark , and I realized that maybe, I wanted him to still like me ( he had been interested the whole time, but refused to deal with the situation i had going on, and I thought he was trouble anyway so it worked out )

 

He looked so Handsome in his church clothes.I went home and told Leah, and she told me he was into some other girl, and for some reason I got kinda jealous.

 

which was weird for me.

 

one night after I came home from work, I was feeling really down and so I texted Mark, and he made me go to a movie with him, OK he didn't make me ha.

 

I remember standing next to him in the line to get our tickets, and looking at him and thinking, he is really good looking! how did i miss this before?

 

we had alot of fun that night, and we talked. alot.

 

and then we hung out again, and again, and we talked and talked, about everything.

For some reason, even though I was broken down and kinda defeated in life at that time, he stuck around. ( he said he knew it would be worth it)

 

He understands me, and I get him, we get each other in ways that no one else could. there was a brief period where we were kinda dating but not official that I needed time to figure out what i wanted. it was around February, and we spent like a week not together, and It was a weird week.

I wanted to hang out with him.

 

Long story short, we got back together, and about a month later we became official. I'm not going to say that it was all sunshine and happy, we had struggles, but I knew that I shouldn't give up.

I have never met someone who was so loving, kind, caring, loving to my family, thought they were great, and fit in so well with me and everyone else. He treated me like I was the center of his world, and I'd never experienced something like that before.

 

and you know its good, when now 9 months later I still get a text every night, and almost every morning, saying goodnight, or good morning and that he loves me.

 

Oh how everything works out :) where he was 8 Months after I met him, when I needed him the most was exactly where he needed to be in life, and where I was in life, although I was Sad, was where I needed to be too, so that I could find someone better that actually deserved to date me, that deserves the world from anyone.

I haven't been so happy In so long! I love every minute of it, I love being in love, and being able to feel safe, like everything is going to be okay no matter what.

I'm so glad that I was able to learn so much, from all the things that happened, and I'm so glad that someone decided not to give up on me.

I love Mark so Much, and I'm so blessed to have him.

and i'm so EXCITED TO GET MARRIED TO HIM!!!!

 

I'm so proud of both of us for where we are, from where we've been ,and I can't wait to Spend the rest of my life with this amazing guy. I was going to write about the engagement today, but this post is super long already, so I will try to write that tomorrow.

 

I hope you enjoyed this :)