Our Story, Part 1

Our story began in April of 2012, when I met Mark for the first time.

I was having a bad night, something that was pretty common for me at the time This was associated with an on again, off again relationship that I was involved in. All the uncertainty and lack of commitment, had turned me into someone, who I look back on now, and hardly recognize.

My good friend Leah, knowing how sad I was, invited me to frozen yogurt with Ammon and her, (she pretty much told me I was going with her) .She also mentioned that Ammon's cousin( Leah's then boyfriend, now husband) had Recently started to hang out with him again, and she told me that he would be joining us too.

    Not knowing that I was being conned into going on a date, I decided to go with them, instead of sitting home being anxious and sad. ( This was during a break from the BF situation, who I still felt very loyal to).

My first impressions of Mark were to watch out! He had this troubled look to him, like maybe he was a troublemaker, and later I came to find out, he was a troublemaker at the time, he had just gotten over Pneumonia. .

( side note, Anyone who has met Mark, would find it very hard to believe that he may have ever been trouble, but its true, he was. Except for his long flowing locks that he now has)

The night ended, and I left it at that.

As time passed, I decided I needed to try to  branch out more and make more guy friends. Since I knew that Mark was trying to make good changes in his life, and needed good influences and friends, I thought it wouldn't hurt if I hung out with him on occasion. We were both going through difficult things, which were very different, but each of us could relate to in one way or another. The times that I hung out with Mark on my own, were pretty far and in between, but we talked about things that mattered, which is usually the good foundations of true friendships. You have to be able to be open and honest with another person to have a friendship last.

We were friends, and that's where our relationship remained for many months.

    It was around October, when I had ended things for the 15th time with my then Boyfriend, that I hung out with Mark, we went car shopping ( because I had gotten in a car crash), which turned into a search for a Halloween costume, and then lunch. It was a fun time, I went home and told Leah that I couldn't believe how patient he had been with me. because anyone who knows me, knows I  can be pretty indecisive sometimes.

I left it at that, though. I was still pretty attached to my previous relationship, and hadn't or wouldn't let go. I still had hope that it would workout. If I had been in my right mind, or a little older, I probably would have walked away months earlier.

Of course I didn't. I couldn't, wouldn't, I don't know. Maybe I was mental? Addicted? in love? I'm not sure, but the relationship came to a hard end with a loud thud, and if you had listened intently enough, you probably would have heard the sound of breaking glass. Because that is what it felt like.

What a mess I was. I had done things I couldn't take back, and made wrongs that at the time I couldn't right. I wasn't even myself. Although, the wrongs went both ways in a big way. I was extremely hard on myself. I take my friendships with people pretty seriously, so it was pretty devastating.

Looking back now, I realize I was a shell of who I am. I was a pretender, I wasn't true to myself, and I wasn't secure in myself, or self worth. If it doesn't workout, it is because it is broken. Move on, and don't look back.

Well that is exactly what I did.  Except it wasn't without its ups and downs.

 

The end of a chapter in my life, and a new beginning begins

One day I remember sitting in church, I sat next to Mark, because I felt small and unlovable, and sad. I felt judged, even though no one probably was judging me. I felt hopeless and lost, and like I had done things that god could never forgive. That maybe I could never forgive.  I remember this wanting to be near someone who had gone through hard things, but had changed his life around. I also noticed, for the first time, that what others had been telling me were true. Mark is a really good looking guy. How had I not noticed this before?

which was weird for me.

I started to talk to him more, he had been there for 8 months hearing either from me, or Ammon and Leah about how sad I was, and about this relationship I had. He was a very good listener, and gave me really good advice. He also tried to cheer me up by making me get out of the house.

One night, he pretty much came over and made me go to a movie with him. We were supposed to meet up with Ammon and Leah, but the movie had already started, so we bailed, and decided to go to see planet of the Apes instead, which started an hour later.

we had  a lot of fun that night, and we talked. a lot. This was the beginning of what sparked into a beautiful relationship.

Oh how everything works out :) where he was 8 Months after I met him, when I needed him the most was exactly where he needed to be in life, and where I was in life, although I was Sad, was where I needed to be too, so that I could find someone better that actually deserved to date me, that deserves the world from anyone .This begins the next chapter of my life. The Engagement.