Love IS

Love isn't a MISTAKE..

there is much to be given.

Breaking yourself because you loved to much, isn't necessary

LOVE is Puzzling. This is why we do so.

Love isn't something you can write and explain

from inside you there is a center of affection, the need to give, to receive to be touched, comforted held.

we project this onto the ones we admire, creating relationships. how long they last is up to both people.

Love IS not so much a matter of romance as it is the overwhelming desire for someone else to be happy.

and to give to them what it is that will make them be so.

Love Is the Best Thing when you have it, and one of the Worst things when it goes.

I Have Grown to Love many things.

Love is, simply perfect by nature. we just aren't perfect that's why it hurts us sometimes.

now its time to go Christmas shopping :)

All I ever Wanted.

I Saw them in concert at the big @ss show for my sisters birthday a few months ago.





they were amazing, especially the asian Steven.. so dreamy!





and they walked feet in front of me, close enough to touch, it wasn't until there body gaurded politely asked me to move aside that i realized who these famouse people were.





that is THEE Air Borne Toxic Event! they walked right by me, it was so precious i could have died... ha okay i'm not really that dramatic.. but yeah that asian Steven really is JUST that GOOD looking..





maybe its the hair, or that he is talented, can dance and has amazing style.. i just can't pin point it.

BUT i can give you some good music choices from this band.

my personal favorites are

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  All I Ever Wanted




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  Sometime around midnight




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  Changing




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  and, Missy

"Music, its like a journal with rythme".

"Every journal is different, but all people go through the same emotions at some point or another, this is why music is so powerful".

A Two Day late Post.

Happy Happy Thanksgiving!

I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life. there are so many great things to look forward to, and appreciate in my life.

My family-they love me with out condition, flaws and all.

my very Best friend. she tells me how it is, and i love her for that

my JOB. never thought I'd say this, but i am really glad i have it, and i love my coworkers.

animals, nature, outside. its all beautiful, and i enjoy being in it. soon i will have to force my self out there because of the snow, but it is still magnificent.

My niece and nephews~ Jaxyn- such a sweet little guy~ Shalie ~ so fun, loving and beautiful~ and Jayden ~ the newest one, he is so calm and perfect.

My love for the human race, the fact that i enjoy the company of others, and have a desire to love them.

My acceptance of my flaws, and my ability to change to become better.

The love that i have for my Heavenly Father, and the knowledge that he loves me even when I make the worst decisions I can.

Running and exercise, they keep me sane.

and the contradiction to exercise, which is my absolute love for food, especially anything bad for me.

and of course life itself. with out it I wouldn't experience anything.

But Here is to Giving Thanks. Honestly when life gives you some form of a Lemon, that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and its hard to get up in the morning for fear it will still be there, the best thing to do is remember the good things about you, and be thankful that you do.

one day that taste will leave, one day your wrongs will be righted. so give thanks to the good things that happen in your life, and look for the good in the bad situations that happen too.

Because tomorrow will come regardless of what has happened today, it is up to you to notice the good things, and choose to be happy.

when there is nothing left to do, remember that we have a support group in the sky, when crying, and words and

"I'm sorry"

don't help anymore, then don't be afraid to ask for help.

I hope you realize the beauty that life has to hold, outside of this moment in time, there are so many wonderful things to see. so forgive yourself and allow you to be happy.

i promise it will be worth the trouble.

"its okay to still love"

I love you.

love me.

When things happen that aren't exactly the most wonderful things in life, the best thing to do is STOP.

re evaluate what has happened.

when all you can do is cry, i think its time to get down on your knees.

you may not find PEACE, right then.

but the truth is.. and always will be.. that no matter how awful your troubles,

no matter how sad you are, or how bad you've hurt another person

Heavenly Father knows you, your intent of heart, and the truth.

He also has a plan.

If you've stepped off the path intended for you, maybe went on a 13.1 mile jog, diddle dallied in the land of discontentment, selfishness, unchaste, worldly fun. ( I'll call this playing in Vegas)

then maybe the plan now entails this time of sorrow, so that you can return safely, and become who he needs you to be.

life with out a plan is like living everyday wondering where you'll end up. maybe if we trust in god more to write our story for us, some of the things we do wouldn't be so hard.

At the end of the day, if you can't say that you've been better than you were the day before then maybe there's something wrong with that picture.

I guess its that moment when...

you realize that who you are, who you were, and who you want to be aren't matching up. in fact they may even be running circles around each other.

somethings always got to give, eventually your UN truths will come out, and you will be alone.

in that moment only God can comfort you.

True friends listen, give honest feed back and see both sides.

and that is why we love them.

Never be afraid to tell the truth, there is no better feeling than being free,

yet no worse feeling than knowing that it will hurt someone else.

trust me, i would know.

When you come Back Down

Nickel Creek~ When you come back down.

its my new favorite song.

it talks about letting someone you love go find themselves.

Its not easy. Its not fun.

I know that no matter how far i run, or how much i do, i can't make you come back, not you or anyone else.

i know that no matter how much i pray, or sleep that it's not going to change that you still aren't coming with me.

" you got to leave me now, you got to go alone, you got to chase your dream one thats all your own... when your flying high, take my heart along.

"my biggest fear is that you'll crash and burn and i won't feel your fire"

I can hope and pray that you make wise choices, that our mistakes, won't make you crash. I love you.

But i can't drag you down, and its dragging me down trying to hold onto you.

"i'll be on the other end, to hear you when you call... i'll catch you when you fall".

be true to your heart, don't ever loose your originality. I don't want to see you hurting.

"take every chance you dare, i'll still be there when you come back down."

or maybe i won't be able to catch you.

I still love you. then love me.

love Rachelle.

Day late friend.

after a long week of work, i finally have a few hours of sitting.

just sitting in the silence of my apartment, to relax and enjoy my own company.

its a rare thing to be able to do.

the demands on my time are not immense or unbearable. i just enjoy the moments of silence in between, when i get to think or do things for me.

like going to the gym

or running.

making cookies

eating boxed pasta

reading my scriptures

going on a walk to take pictures

enjoying the sun


and here is a random thought. what we want doesn't always come around to us, and maybe its okay to admit to your self that you are who you are.

i'm going to quote a movie.

eat,pray, love.

" I still love you so much." Me. " then love me." I still want you to need me". then need me."

I can't move on, i can't leave you because i know how much it will hurt. its like ripping apart something inside me. to admit that i've failed.

but time and time agian i hear this quote in my head. me "i still love you." then love me. i will be here for you when you are to weak to do this on your own, i will be your best friend when you are alone, i won't let you fail or fall or be alone for too long.

i'm talking to myself. this is what i learned, its okay to love, but at some point you have to admit that you love and its okay to move on. be your own best friend.

i'm here for me. because he won't be.

i still love you. then love me.

its okay to let go. its just the going that is hard.

again with the writting and rambling.

thinking back on my life, i realize i've made so many turns...

they take me places, i didn't always know i'd go.

and some of them are harder to turn around to find my way back to the other paths i need to take.

where i am is confusing sometimes.

i see mice in my dreams, they wake me up, i feel panicked.

what does that mean?

or the dreams where i be friend my ex's ex wife? to tell her i understand, but what is it that i understand completly?

that loving him is like trying to hold on to something that is not yours to hold?

or maybe knowing i'm only a small part of his life, and you know so much more.

mysteries are like trying to find a place in life to hide... will i ever find that place?

i feel exposed in all my schemes and easily read. my face doesn't conceal the past or the regrets i have

i can't escape you. you know me to well and i'm so predictable. that is the real truth.

we both know.

winter time is coming.. i can see it in the trees.

the leafs are changing, and the air is growing darker with the time.

i don't know where it will take me this year.. all i know is how much i hate snow.


tell me something new.

i'll tell you what i heard in my head or from a stranger i met.

life isn't what you make it, because sometimes we can't make it how we want it to be. life is what happens after we fail and pick ourselves back up again. sandwiched in with all the happy times, and things we want and suceed at.

and at the end of each day we must thank god for the blessings that we have, and find the good in the bad situations.

today its that i made it home from price safe, i have a great family, and the mice weren't there last night to wake me up again.

i have legs and so i must use them, and lungs so i must breath, and a heart that must beat.. and must love.

thats all.

I never claim to be normal.. as you can tell.

Sweet dreams and Goodbyes are almost always the same thing.

bitter sweet endings never happen in the same instant, usually its the bitter before the sweet.

we live in an imperfect world, why would we expect anyone to be perfect in it?

on this marry go round in my head, the thoughts and dreams i have don't seem to make sense.

when I'm with you, they do. cause with you i can do anything and i know you'll tell me when I'm crazy or irrational. you point out my flaws in the most careless of ways and yet i laugh it off because i know the end result is to make me more whole than i already am.

on a play ground in a park, where the ground spins and all around us we're engulfed in the dark light of stars, i hear you tell me that you know there's a god, and you know he loves you, like you know you love me too.

when this marry go round in my head starts to play again and you just listen because that's what best friends do.

we bounce around and i know that i do love you.
some day I'll understand why this bitter sweet feeling always comes when you go,

imperfection in a perfect world.. on this marry go round in my head.

goodbyes and sweet dreams are almost the same thing

except one is reoccurring and the other is ending.

i know so many talented people. i love to much. i give more than i should. and
when i want to be I'm very open. you could get the chance to
see me for who i am, or you can get the back cover of a book. if you are lucky
enough to know, then you will understand the bittersweet part of who i am.

i have a brain like my father, i find beauty in everything.. mostly it is the simplicity's of life that make me happy.

like frozen yogurt

and the quilt I'm making, or the baby blankets i build for people.

i love to love.

i like to read

i enjoy writing

i admire happiness

and i love to dance.

Running is my passion

i have a nack for being a little bit random... as you can tell.

patience was something i used to not struggle with, now i do.

faith is always there, but i often feel unworthy of its blessings.

hope is a beacon

and god loves me, and that my friends is something i know, even on my weakest days.

i get a little bit stronger..

goodnight, sweet dreams

Hello blogging

Dear reader,
today i start this, i'm just warning you sometimes these posts won't make sense. they're bound to be emotional at times, maybe funny and most definetly random, but i hope that you will find some ammusement in them.

blogs are kinda for people who actually have interesting lifes or married people.
right now i'm living in an apartment in provo, i work at the animal shelter in lindon and i also work at Rumbi Island Grill in orem. I love the summer, and love running and doing anything physically challenging.

any how. to anyone who actually reads this , hopefully you'll enjoy it.