When you come Back Down

Nickel Creek~ When you come back down.

its my new favorite song.

it talks about letting someone you love go find themselves.

Its not easy. Its not fun.

I know that no matter how far i run, or how much i do, i can't make you come back, not you or anyone else.

i know that no matter how much i pray, or sleep that it's not going to change that you still aren't coming with me.

" you got to leave me now, you got to go alone, you got to chase your dream one thats all your own... when your flying high, take my heart along.

"my biggest fear is that you'll crash and burn and i won't feel your fire"

I can hope and pray that you make wise choices, that our mistakes, won't make you crash. I love you.

But i can't drag you down, and its dragging me down trying to hold onto you.

"i'll be on the other end, to hear you when you call... i'll catch you when you fall".

be true to your heart, don't ever loose your originality. I don't want to see you hurting.

"take every chance you dare, i'll still be there when you come back down."

or maybe i won't be able to catch you.

I still love you. then love me.

love Rachelle.

Day late friend.

after a long week of work, i finally have a few hours of sitting.

just sitting in the silence of my apartment, to relax and enjoy my own company.

its a rare thing to be able to do.

the demands on my time are not immense or unbearable. i just enjoy the moments of silence in between, when i get to think or do things for me.

like going to the gym

or running.

making cookies

eating boxed pasta

reading my scriptures

going on a walk to take pictures

enjoying the sun


and here is a random thought. what we want doesn't always come around to us, and maybe its okay to admit to your self that you are who you are.

i'm going to quote a movie.

eat,pray, love.

" I still love you so much." Me. " then love me." I still want you to need me". then need me."

I can't move on, i can't leave you because i know how much it will hurt. its like ripping apart something inside me. to admit that i've failed.

but time and time agian i hear this quote in my head. me "i still love you." then love me. i will be here for you when you are to weak to do this on your own, i will be your best friend when you are alone, i won't let you fail or fall or be alone for too long.

i'm talking to myself. this is what i learned, its okay to love, but at some point you have to admit that you love and its okay to move on. be your own best friend.

i'm here for me. because he won't be.

i still love you. then love me.

its okay to let go. its just the going that is hard.

again with the writting and rambling.

thinking back on my life, i realize i've made so many turns...

they take me places, i didn't always know i'd go.

and some of them are harder to turn around to find my way back to the other paths i need to take.

where i am is confusing sometimes.

i see mice in my dreams, they wake me up, i feel panicked.

what does that mean?

or the dreams where i be friend my ex's ex wife? to tell her i understand, but what is it that i understand completly?

that loving him is like trying to hold on to something that is not yours to hold?

or maybe knowing i'm only a small part of his life, and you know so much more.

mysteries are like trying to find a place in life to hide... will i ever find that place?

i feel exposed in all my schemes and easily read. my face doesn't conceal the past or the regrets i have

i can't escape you. you know me to well and i'm so predictable. that is the real truth.

we both know.

winter time is coming.. i can see it in the trees.

the leafs are changing, and the air is growing darker with the time.

i don't know where it will take me this year.. all i know is how much i hate snow.


tell me something new.

i'll tell you what i heard in my head or from a stranger i met.

life isn't what you make it, because sometimes we can't make it how we want it to be. life is what happens after we fail and pick ourselves back up again. sandwiched in with all the happy times, and things we want and suceed at.

and at the end of each day we must thank god for the blessings that we have, and find the good in the bad situations.

today its that i made it home from price safe, i have a great family, and the mice weren't there last night to wake me up again.

i have legs and so i must use them, and lungs so i must breath, and a heart that must beat.. and must love.

thats all.

I never claim to be normal.. as you can tell.

Sweet dreams and Goodbyes are almost always the same thing.

bitter sweet endings never happen in the same instant, usually its the bitter before the sweet.

we live in an imperfect world, why would we expect anyone to be perfect in it?

on this marry go round in my head, the thoughts and dreams i have don't seem to make sense.

when I'm with you, they do. cause with you i can do anything and i know you'll tell me when I'm crazy or irrational. you point out my flaws in the most careless of ways and yet i laugh it off because i know the end result is to make me more whole than i already am.

on a play ground in a park, where the ground spins and all around us we're engulfed in the dark light of stars, i hear you tell me that you know there's a god, and you know he loves you, like you know you love me too.

when this marry go round in my head starts to play again and you just listen because that's what best friends do.

we bounce around and i know that i do love you.
some day I'll understand why this bitter sweet feeling always comes when you go,

imperfection in a perfect world.. on this marry go round in my head.

goodbyes and sweet dreams are almost the same thing

except one is reoccurring and the other is ending.

i know so many talented people. i love to much. i give more than i should. and
when i want to be I'm very open. you could get the chance to
see me for who i am, or you can get the back cover of a book. if you are lucky
enough to know, then you will understand the bittersweet part of who i am.

i have a brain like my father, i find beauty in everything.. mostly it is the simplicity's of life that make me happy.

like frozen yogurt

and the quilt I'm making, or the baby blankets i build for people.

i love to love.

i like to read

i enjoy writing

i admire happiness

and i love to dance.

Running is my passion

i have a nack for being a little bit random... as you can tell.

patience was something i used to not struggle with, now i do.

faith is always there, but i often feel unworthy of its blessings.

hope is a beacon

and god loves me, and that my friends is something i know, even on my weakest days.

i get a little bit stronger..

goodnight, sweet dreams

Hello blogging

Dear reader,
today i start this, i'm just warning you sometimes these posts won't make sense. they're bound to be emotional at times, maybe funny and most definetly random, but i hope that you will find some ammusement in them.

blogs are kinda for people who actually have interesting lifes or married people.
right now i'm living in an apartment in provo, i work at the animal shelter in lindon and i also work at Rumbi Island Grill in orem. I love the summer, and love running and doing anything physically challenging.

any how. to anyone who actually reads this , hopefully you'll enjoy it.