The Boy

It has been to long.

Life has been good, all drama aside, I can't say that i've been this happy in so long.

I'm so In love. Thats true. i'm back on the path that will lead me to happieness, and i'm so happy that I've found a guy that will come along with me and encourage me to be my best.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know that as long as we follow gods plans, the future will be good. regardless of pains we experience.

I"m so happy to Have such and amazing Boy friend, and Best friend.  He really is the best thing.

Okay. time for work now :(

All Things ShINY and BRIGhT!

Is there anything better than sunshine?
tulips opening in the morning sun, a river or stream clear as ice, fish dancing inside it, basking in the sunlight?

being able to walk outside with out a jacket and boots on?

spring is coming slowly. there is nothing better.
today is easter, we have such nice weather.

I'm so happy, because life is going good. I got a raise at work finally, and they made me a shift lead. which will look good on a resume, i'm really greatfull for that.

I have a wonderfull best friend she's getting married in the temple so soon, and i'm so proud of her hard work, and determination. she's such a good example to me.

we have been friends since the 5th grade, and best friends since 10th. there hasn't been anything better thats happened to me. true friendship is one of the greatest gifts god can give you in this life.

I'm so greatfull for her.

there's also this guy. he gets me in ways i don't think i even understand, but he is wonderfull. I can't imagine where i'd be with out him.
agian, i know that god loves me, he's blessing me so much.

school is almost over, and even though i feel like i'm sinking with all the things i have and need to get done, i will be happy when its done.

Summer is knocking on the door, soon spring will let her in.
I want to start running in the mornings again, and going to the gym 3 times a week.

I want to run a 5k,10k,half marathon or two, and maybe a relay this summer, I want to be a golden child.

more than anything i want to go sit in the temple, and feel the piece and joy that is there. I know i can. I know i will.

healing has been a process, but i'm realizing that some things leave us, for one simple reason. they weren't meant to be.

Its a good realization.

All things shiny and Bright, beautiful and free.

I want to find them, and make them a part of me.
winter is leaving.

It is time.

I'm so glad i can realize things that i haven't before. In this past year i have learned more about who i am, and who i want to be, than i have in a very,very long time.

I'm glad that i have the oppertunity to grow so much.

The future is bright.

i'm excited to see where it will lead me.

how i feel about the last year of my life. in a riddle of thoughts.

Here goes something, but its better than nothing, nothing is the ground beneath my feet.
up here its not cold, i'm not alone. I watch from a cloud as everyone else morns me.
to say i'm lost would be another word to describe the place they sent me.
I can't control the world around me, no i never could.
i see the people as they cry, i wonder how long they'll remember me. did i do anything worth remembering while i was down there.

does it matter how we go? all i know is there were regrets, never spoken, words i wish i could forget.
please tell me i'm not alone, in this.
I sit from a cloud watching my eulogy, a life well spent, trying to fix the messes that i left.
one day I woke up and realized i had changed.
someone told me i don't laugh as much, someone told me i don't act the same.
when did life decide to shape me into such an adult? is knowledge the learning of truth, after proof of sin can cause so much death inside of you.

people think being naive is the way to be, i think its the only way to stay happy. lets pretend that we never did anything wrong, lets pretend were not lost.
all of us searching for some meaning, something bigger to save us from the reality.

cause i'm here sitting on a cloud watching them morn me. I'm not alone in this, I know one day i'll see my kids, one day i'll know the impact my life had.
I feel lost, floating around, everything seems so clear to me. i wait to meet the one that created me,
what will he have to say to me? is he everything i thought he would be?
all the things that led you here, why'd you call me home? i'm sorry for the wrongs i tried to fix.
all i wish is for them to see, open your eyes. keep laughing through the pain, its the best way to stay away from being seen, we hide the messes we created.
they tell me that i don't laugh the same, they tell me that i act different. loss of innocences makes us grow up to fast.
tell me the truth, do you think happieness lasts?
watch you grieve me, sitting on a cloud.
a life lived well.
love the way it all looks now. take back the things i couldn't figure out. it all makes sense some how now.

life isn't the loss of one, its the time spent living that needs to matter. we can't do a thing once were dead. don't waste your innocense on things that don't matter. protect this.

walk through the journey, don't be affraid of the valley of death, when it comes to take you live like you were always ready. its the best way to gaurantee, you're living happy. i promis you.
its worth it.

These Days.

It's been a while since I've wrote anything, so I think its time to give you an update.

so here goes...

These Days

I go to school full time

work part time ( need a new job bad. as always.)

can't wait for summer to get here.

still enjoy running but don't do it nearly enough

just got back from Saint George, visited Vegas and hit up meadow hot pots. i wish i had pictures to post, but they are on other peoples cameras.

I'm still fit enough to have done the Walters Wiggles challenge ( running the treacherous switch backs of angels landing, they weren't as bad as i thought )

hiked Angels landing with my wonderful sister and friends.

am counting my blessings, and enjoying my life as much as i can.

trying to live a little more and have fun

forgiving myself of my past

learning to move forward, versus move on.

learning how to do math

passing my classes

making new memories with new people

forgiving others who have hurt me

singing when no one is listening, and singing when they're listening too

planning to write and sing a song with my dad

going to the zoo sometime soon ( they got the new exhibit opened this month i believe)

trying to except that my Best friend is going to get married. ( I love that girl)

being truly happy

working on going to the temple

Loving

Living

Letting go

Remembering

Learning

Surviving

Thriving

Running

And of course

Becoming

These Days I'm trying my best to Become, and maybe that's the most important thing I'm doing these days. I think as long as we as humans are progressing continuously and trying our best to do good, we are doing something right.

That's all from me.

P.s. Angels landing was really cool, and a fun hike, i recommend it to anyone and everyone. i also challenge you to run Walters Wiggles :)

the one thing we didn't do over spring break was go to the crave and eat frozen yogurt, but we did eat sushi, so maybe that makes up for it. I seriously LOVE Frozen yogurt!

All Of these things

Scuba Diving.

I want to go Scuba Diving in Florida.

seriously, its become a dream of mine. one day I'm going to go.

Scuba diving is so beautiful, i love it.

I just can't wait for better weather, or school to be over. for a new time period in my life to roll through.
I Just need a change. Some adventure, a new identity. Alone time, to figure out me.

I want to feel alive.

I want to scuba dive. run another half marathon. drive to California and play in the sand
dye my hair, learn guitar. sing on a corner. write a song.

serve people. choose a carrier. become.

Mostly I want to Become, a better daughter, sister, friend, person.

I want to forgive, Forget, move forward.

And Become who it is I want to be.

This New Year.

Today is January 1st 2012.

Dear 2011, yesterday was the last time i can claim you. I am not sad about our parting, except for a few little twangs of regret, a sad smile for times that i loved... and things that i lost, mistakes made, regrets had, and friends that didn't last.

goodbye 2011. lets not frolic in the old memories, 2012 is a brand new year.

2012 i welcome you with open arms.

hopes of new discoveries about self.

new courage to move on from the past.

a goal to run until i can go no more.

find love, or acceptance for just being alone with me.

become something better than i used to be.

2012, lets do great things this year like...

go somewhere foreign

drive somewhere far

plan a trip

go to the temple

know the difference between love and lust

get over the heart break of 2011. that boy. hurt no more.

become a very good student

be true to myself, and to others- no more people pleasing, it seems to always back fire.

take pictures.

and of course have fun.

so 2012 we have a lot to do, in all areas. you know me and you are going to be good friends, and this year will be better than the last. I know this has to be true.

love me.

so don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine, and life makes love look hard... Taylor Swift.

Love IS

Love isn't a MISTAKE..

there is much to be given.

Breaking yourself because you loved to much, isn't necessary

LOVE is Puzzling. This is why we do so.

Love isn't something you can write and explain

from inside you there is a center of affection, the need to give, to receive to be touched, comforted held.

we project this onto the ones we admire, creating relationships. how long they last is up to both people.

Love IS not so much a matter of romance as it is the overwhelming desire for someone else to be happy.

and to give to them what it is that will make them be so.

Love Is the Best Thing when you have it, and one of the Worst things when it goes.

I Have Grown to Love many things.

Love is, simply perfect by nature. we just aren't perfect that's why it hurts us sometimes.

now its time to go Christmas shopping :)